I Choo-Choo-Choose Me!

(to the tune of "The Way I Am" - Eminem)

Whatever I want

Hey, this'll be fun

Aiyyo turn my height up a little bit

Aiyyo.... this post is for anyone... fuck it

Just shut up and listen. Read. Just shut up and read.

I looked back and I planned all the stuff I will be

How my hair how my eyes how my waistline will be

And I planned to be tall and I planned to smart

And since birth I've been blessed with this wait did I just say bless?

And I chose how I'd be and so did you as did he

Just like she chose that she'd have to sit down to pee

All this tension from the homophobic ones

Trying to tell everyone else who to love, how they're meant to be

Boys with girls only (girls only)....

But they lack common decency

To leave others be, they're not freaks they're just like you and me

They did not chose to be (chose to be)....

A minority and no,

They don't owe you a fucking apology

They' don't all like N'Sync, they don't care what you n your friends think

If you think they chose gay let me ask you (let me ask you)...

Were you older than eight when you chose to be straight?

Oh wait you didn't choose to be straight? (to be straight?)... so wait then

If you didn't choose straight you must be born straight (logic!)

So if you were born straight, they must be born gay

Your argument is dead, your logic also dead

I'm tired of all them (of all them)...

Saying it's a choice it's clearly not a choice so shut up now

[Chorus:]

And we're born to be whatever we'll be

If we weren't, we'd all have a choice, you see

But the only ones who did, apparently

Chose to be a minority

And we're born to be whatever we'll be

If we weren't, we'd all have a choice, you see

But the only ones, who did, apparently

Chose to be a minority

I was recently involved in a conversation with someone who used the term "sexual preference". As the son of two dads, this term irks me. I spoke out, and explained that "preference" would denote a conscious choice of sexuality, and that "orientation" was a better term. The person said she thought it should be preference, since it was their choice. I twitched, and asked her when she had chosen to be straight. She said she hadn't. I nodded.

Sadly, I'm not sure my point got across...

I was relaying that conversation to a friend (and reader), who laughed. I said that I didn't know what was funny, since I had clearly chosen to be tall, blond, and chubby. Said friend offered this quote for this post:

"Yeah, because god knows (pun intended) I chose to be short, need glasses, and weigh 130lbs soaking wet..." - Marc T.

I don't get the people that still think it's a conscious choice. My dad didn't chose to be gay - hell, he fought it for 45 years, marrying my mother and fathering a son. But at the end of the day, as much as he tried to choose to be straight, he is what he is, the way he was born.

Sadly, though, I must apply this logic across the board: The people that still think it's a choice didn't choose to be ignorant. They were just born that way. And there's nothing the rest of us logic folks can do about it but place our palms directly into the center of our foreheads and sigh.

Like the blog? Follow me on Twitter (@logicorbust) and share!

Scientology - No Funny Title Required

"It all began 75 million years ago. Back then, there was a galactic federation of planets which was ruled over by the evil Lord Xenu. Xenu thought his galaxy was overpopulated, and so he rounded up countless aliens from all different planets, and then had those aliens frozen. The frozen alien bodies were loaded onto Xenu's galactic cruisers, which looked like DC8-'s, except with rocket engines. The cruisers then took the frozen alien bodies to our planet, to Earth, and dumped them into the volcanoes of Hawaii. The aliens were no longer frozen, they were dead. The souls of those aliens, however, lived on, and all floated up towards the sky. But the evil Lord Xenu had prepared for this. Xenu didn't want their souls to return! And so he built giant soul-catchers in the sky! The souls were taken to a huge soul brain-washing facility, which Xenu had also built on Earth. There the souls were forced to watch days of brainwashing material which tricked them into believing a false reality. Xenu then released the alien souls, which roamed the earth aimlessly in a fog of confusion. At the dawn of man, the souls finally found bodies which they can grab onto. They attached themselves to all manking, which still to this day causes all our fears, our confusions, and our problems."

- South Park Episode "Trapped in the Closet", 2005


Well hello there, Scientology... you've been the proverbial elephant in the room for me for a couple weeks now. I've probably re-written this post 5 times now. And because it's all done on the computer, I don't even have the cool "crumpled-up pile of discarded ideas around the waste-basket" thing going on.

It dawned on me today that that's because it's too easy to make fun of Scientology.

I mean... really easy.

Scientology is so crazy that even Mormons are laughing at it.

Scientology is written by a science-fiction writer. It would be akin to George Lucas making up a religion - and people believing it.

Scientology was founded in 1952. 1952... I mean, come on people... really?

Scientology is so crazy that Karla Homolka thinks it's crazy.

Scientology is so crazy, it makes that time your ex stabbed you in the eye with her shoe heel seem like that time your grandmother made pie.

Scientology is so crazy, Rob Ford denies its existence.

Scientology is so fake, it makes other religions seem more plausible by comparison.

Scientology is so stupid, they might sue me for this post.

Scientology is so easy to make fun of, a 10 year old with logic could do it.

Hey wait...

That being said, Scientology is so smart, that its founder, L Ron Hubbard, was worth an estimated $600 million dollars at the time of his death. Scientology has this thing called "auditing", where members pay lots of money to "improve their Thetan levels", which are read using "E-Meters", built by the Scientologists themselves.

Scientology is so smart that it has attracted high profile members such as Tom Cruise, John Travolta, and the late Isaac Hayes. Yeah - Chef was a Scientologist. I know, right?

I'd almost be afraid to debate religion with a Scientologist - I'm not sure if that level of stupidity is a communicable disease...

At the end of the day, though, how sane is Christianity? I mean, Joseph was just the world's biggest sucker...

"Oh, it's a virgin birth! The Lord, and not Tim from across the street, has given me this child!" said Mary. "Deeeeeer okay I beeleeve you Mawy" replied Joseph - that's the original version of that story, you heard it hear first...

Ok, yeah, it is... you win.

All religions are crazy, but Scientology manages to be just a little bit crazier than all the rest. Like the blog? Follow on Twitter @logicorbust and share!

A Spoon Full of Medicine Makes The Devil Rise Up

A young boy no more than three years old

Lays in a bed shivering cold

His body weak, his pulse as well

His eyes and throat beginning to swell

His parents knelt by his bed

The town's best healer touched his head

He grabbed his book, turned to the page

And read the words he'd told for an age

"Help us oh Lord" he said to no one, really

For prayer over medicine is oh so silly

But you have no logic, and your child just died

And people think that drugs make brains fried?

While it's been in the news a bit more recently, children have been dying for years as their parents, members of fundamentalist churches, believe in faith-based healing rather than modern medicine. These parents outright refuse to take their children to see a doctor when something as simple as insulin could have saved their child's life. Don't believe me? Go here. No, go... I'll wait.

Back? Right then, off we go.

These parents argue that because of their religious beliefs, they are innocent.

F**K YOU, YOU'RE NOT INNOCENT - YOU'RE STUPID.

The average age we live to nowadays is more than double what it was only 100 years ago. Now, I wonder what caused this jump... what could have changed in the past 100 years or so I wonder...

Oh wait, that's right - MODERN F**KING MEDICINE!

In the past 100 years, we've seen more advances in medicine and technology than in the previous known history of the Earth. Perhaps not so coinciden... ok, no, I can't finish that without laughing... 

Not so coincidentally at all whatsoever in any way, shape, or form, the percentage of Non-Believers has risen from being something that was not really discussed to about 15-20% of the world's population.

Thankfully, society is becoming a little smarter and realizing that religious freedom isn't all it's cracked up to be when you're some poor little kid with stupid parents who think that asking a god to heal their kid while the doctor is begging them to let him help the child. Parents are being charged with negligence causing death. One father tried to defend himself with this gem:

"We tried to fight the devil, but, in the end, the devil won" said the father of a recently deceased child.

Presumably, with his hands over his ears and his eyes closed.

Here Come The Mormons!

I was chatting with my girlfriend today when she told me that, apparently, the Twilight books are based on Mormonism. Something about how the vampires in the books are Mormon Angels and that's why they sparkle - or something like that.

(Don't worry - this is not a Twilight post...)

The point is - it got me thinking about Mormonism. And while I enjoy poking every religion with my Logic Stick, Mormonism sits second to only Scientology as my favorite religion to question; I'm saving Scientology for a later date.

That said - I realize not everyone knows how Mormonism actually started! Buckle your seat belt - this one's a doozy.

Origin of Mormonism

Joseph Smith, the founder of Mormonism, claims to have been visited by an angel in 1823. This angel directed him to the Golden Plates, which were in, as the angel called it, a "reformed Egyptian" language. In order to translate the Golden Plates, Joseph Smith put a "seer stone" (think of a crystal ball - OR maybe even a Palantir from the Lord of the Rings!) in the bottom of a hat. He then placed the hat over his face, which allowed him to see the translation of the Golden Plates.

I did not make a single part of that last paragraph up. I will let the utter lack of logic in that paragraph sink in before moving on with the rest.

Good to go? Right then.

After he was done the translation, he returned the Golden Plates to the angel, thus preventing anyone else other than 11 men from seeing it: 4 were family, 5 were members of another family, and 2 were not related to the rest. Many would recant their testimonies over the years.

... ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME???

Much like the Jesus story, if you tried that today, you'd be thrown into a padded room, where you can bounce off the walls for fun.

I don't want offend anyone here - I just want to open some eyes and get people talking.

... OK, ENOUGH. YOU'RE KIDDING ME, RIGHT?

Number of Mormons in the world : 14 million world wide.

Excuse me while I facepalm...

Get Over The Rainbow

A funny thing happened to me today when I opened Facebook around 3pm. A "friend" of mine had posted Leviticus 18:22.

Not familiar with it? Let me refresh your memory:  Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.

This verse is used by countless people and organizations to defend their homophobic views. When I confronted this person, they gave me this defense, and I quote:

"... (the usual Bible BS) I guess another way that I can explain is to give this example: I had a loved one who tried to get in their car drunk to drive. I personally took the keys away from that person and kept them from driving. I struggled to take the keys from them. They cussed me out and screamed at me for anyone who wanted to hear it. I took the keys away from them because I believed it was wrong, just like I do same-sex relations. They could have hurt themselves because they were doing something that was wrong. Some people call it wrong and some say it's just them being foolish in their 20's. I believed it was a sin and did what I felt was right."

So, let me get this straight, person who shall be known as TH... Being gay is like being a drunk driver? I fail to see the logic here...

The simple fact of the matter is that anyone, in this day and age, that still uses BIBLE VERSES to deny equal rights to everyone is, in my opinion, homophobic. You can say "no I'm just religious and you can't attack me for that" all you want - I'm an atheist. If I'm attacking you for being homophobic and you counter with religion, you just gave me (and my brethren) more ammunition.

If you want to quote Leviticus 18:22 as being good enough reason to deny equal rights to homosexuals, let's take a look at the OTHER items in Leviticus you should be following. Can't pick and choose, after all - the man in the sky would get mad!

• Leviticus 19:27 - Ye shalt not round the side-growth of your heads, neither shalt thou mar the corners of thy beard. Ever gotten a hair cut or shaved your side burns or trimmed your beard? SINNER!
• Leviticus 11:8 - Of their (pigs) flesh shall ye not eat, and their carcass shall ye not touch; they are unclean to you. Ever had pork? Bacon? Touched a football? SINNER!
• Leviticus 19:28 - Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you. I am the LORD. Got a cross tattoo? SINNER!
• Leviticus 19:19 - Ye shall keep my statutes. Thou shalt not let thy cattle gender with a diverse kind: thou shalt not sow thy field with mingled seed: neither shall a garment mingled of linen and woolen come upon thee. So, on a farm, no mingling cows and horses. No planting corn and potatoes. And no wearing cotton and polyester mixed together. Too late? SINNER!

There are a TON more examples like this throughout the Bible - these are just a couple, taken only from Leviticus...

It felt weird un-friending this person on Facebook, as I had known them for over a decade. Yet, in the moments after clicking that button - it felt right. Unless of course Leviticus has a verse against that too?

Now if everyone would just get over the damned rainbow, so to speak, the world would be such a better place...

White Smoke

Yesterday, much to the delight of the world's Catholics, a new pope was named. Taking the papal name Francis, Pope Francis I is the first Pope from the Americas, the first Jesuit Pope, and the first non-European pope in over 1000 years.

And yet, I can't help but feel that it's the same old, same old from the guy in the pointy red hat. Much like his predecessor, Franky the Pope is opposed to such things as:

• Same-Sex Marriage
• Gay Adoption
• Abortions
• Euthanasia
• Contraceptives
• Articles depicting him in a negative light. Wait... crap...

In all seriousness, though, I have very little hope for any real change coming from the Vatican - which is, in itself, no change to how I felt before Franky got to put on the red hat. He was the 2nd choice when Pope Germany was chosen, and that in itself only furthers my point. 

Change -- real change -- one that atheist like myself would call noteworthy, would be one of worldwide awakening. The day that the non-religious people of this world outnumber the religious people will be a day to celebrate. We are the fastest growing denomination - the day is coming.

Until then, however, we, the logical people of the world, will have to be content knowing that we don't believe in something that people in the Dark Ages subscribed to. You would think that we would have woken up by now... I mean, we have on some things! Here a couple of other commonly held beliefs from that time, to go along with a belief in God. Please be aware that sarcasm may or may not be used...

• The Earth is flat. As someone who has traveled overseas, I can tell you this is true. I fell off the edge. I was lucky enough that God was there to catch me and place me back on the surface, or I would have fallen all the way down to hell, which is clearly located below our planet.
• Witches! I was turned into a newt by a witch recently. But, thankfully, it got better. She weighed about as much as a duck...

Clearly, what people thought and believed in before the scientific revolution still holds true. 

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go make my own white smoke.

Black Smoke

As a rather sad percentage of the world's population awaits with baited breath the selection of the new Pope, black smoke rose from the Vatican today, signaling that a new pontiff will not be elected until at least tomorrow.

As part of the estimated 15% of the world that is non-religious, I find myself in the minority on one of the most important questions that nobody really wants to talk much about: the existence of a divine power, a creator - a God.

This blog, in it's infancy, will attempt to tackle this discussion. I won't pretend to have an unbiased point of view - I starkly believe that there is no such thing as anything "divine" or "supernatural". I believe in science and, above all else, logic. Is it logical to me that what amounts to magic is responsible for life as we know it? No. 

I actually have an easier time believing that the Ancient Alien theory is true than I do that some sort of omnipresent being created everything I see. 

For those unfamiliar with the Ancient Alien Theory, I will attempt to summarize it briefly, while also strongly suggesting you read Erich Von Daniken's "Chariot of the Gods" to get a full idea. In short - any "angels" or "demons" or "gods" from all the religions of time (not just modern religions, but ancient ones now considered mythology) were not actually angels or demons, but misinterpreted astronauts from technologically advanced planets far, far away. If this sounds crazy to you, I agreed at first. Until one specific argument to the logic behind the theory was presented to me, that is:

"You always hear about the gods descending to the Earth in chariots of fire. Now, the chariots of fire reference is the key here. We know that there is no possible *logical* way that a chariot on fire could carry anyone down from the sky. But, if you lacked the technological reference that we have today, you might have described something you were seeing the best way you could. A "chariot of fire" sounds an awful lot like a modern day rocket ship, does it not?"

When I first heard this, my brain imploded. "Holy (hehe) crap! That makes SENSE. It's logical... WOW!" I thought to myself. In that moment, I thought of the countless religious and mythological stories with the lens of the Ancient Alien Theory - and they all kind of made a LOT more sense.

Now, I'm not going to blog about Ancient Aliens. I'm simply illustrating a point here - something that sounds, to a lot of people, like something absolutely crazy, actually is more logical, to me, than religion. 

Which brings me back to the beginning of this inaugural post: the conclave. In this modern day and age, when we know what we know and we have discovered what we have discovered, it is absolutely mind-boggling to me that 85% of the world still believes in organizations that elect their leaders in secret, wearing odd robes and odd hats, waving smoking pots (hehe) around and using smoke signals to communicate with the rest of the world from their secret clubhouse if they are done their popularity contest. Well, more like an estimated 17% of the world's population that is Catholic (part of the 33% of the entire world that is Christian), but work with me on this one. 

If you ask me, the entire religious world can go blow black smoke up it's collective keisters.